yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
