"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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