i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
