I want to have your abortion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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