He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
