Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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