there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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