i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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