The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize