I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
