tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
