could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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