How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
