can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
