I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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