it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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