its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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