Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
