Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
