So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
