I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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