I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Semen is not good for contacts.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
