i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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