I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
