I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
