I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
