Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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