fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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