She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry about my life...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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