went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
