somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
