My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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