My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
