In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
