think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
