wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
