You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize