it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i out mim tonsoeep
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