Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there is glitter all over my balls
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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