my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize