I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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