I got chris browned last night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
