After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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