His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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