I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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