Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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