I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
