okay pat passed out under dana's car
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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