forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Girls should come with a carfax report
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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