Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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