We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
