508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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