There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
