what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
