ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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