A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
