There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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