I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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