Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
