The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
