Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
