You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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