my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
