Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
