How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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