Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
