if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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