I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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