And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
