So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
