Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
