I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
