Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
