i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
