Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
